His fever started going up last night, not high enough to go to the ER, and at least he made it through the night. But I was awake half of it worrying about pneumonia in his condition. He is stirring now (I'm typing this in another room), so I'll update later this morning when I hear how he feels and take his temperature. He's making kind of normal noises, yawning and not howling for example, but the cough sounds wretched. More anon.
UPDATE: He has NO fever right now, and says he feels better! Yes, he IS planning to teach today. Ay yi yi...but I thank GOD he is better and not worse!
(Robinson Crusoe says you can't see the full aspect of a bad thing happening until you've noted the good things that accompany it, as well as the worse things that COULD have happened.)
Monday, April 11, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Sunday: Lungs Acting Weird and Robinson Crusoe
Our cowboy woke up with such congested lungs and ferocious coughing that he was (and I was, too!) afraid that he was (a) going to hurl; and/or (b) not be able to get any air in, through all the congestion.
As soon as I heard his breathing, I jumped out of bed and got completely dressed to take him to the ER. But he, being the adamant, balky, bullheaded, cantankerous, contumacious, determined, dogged, hardheaded, headstrong, inexorable, inflexible, intractable, mulish, obdurate, ornery, persevering, persistent, pertinacious, pigheaded, recalcitrant, refractory, relentlessly rigid, self-willed, set in his ways, single-minded, steadfast, tenacious, unbending, unshakable, untoward cowboy that he IS, refused to go to any ER.
He is now describing his condition as merely "weak and breathless." See? He won't even help me make this post more theatrical and interesting! Weak and breathless? Welllllllll, I guess I should focus on being thankful that he didn't do either of (a) or (b) in paragraph number one, above. And has slowed down a lot on the coughing, and isn't having trouble getting air in.
He's still white as a goose, though. (Goose?)
And to try to manage my never-ending anxiety, which hums like low-level radiation inside my soul 24 hours a day, I've downloaded Robinson Crusoe onto my Kindle. I'd never read it, but in examining a book of Bill's by Wilkie Collins (Moonstone), I saw that Wilkie Collins thought Robinson Crusoe was the greatest book of all time and had read it dozens of times, for its wisdom.
What? Robinson CRUSOE?*(See Wilkie Collins quote at end of post, at asterisk)
So I'm reading Robinson Crusoe, for the FIRST time (THANKS, public education system), and indeed am severely struck with the thrilling and thought-inducing content of it--none of which I would have understood if I'd read it in third grade like I should have.
How was THAT for a digression? More about our cowboy as things develop. Love to all!
* "You are not to take it, if you please, as the saying of an ignorant man, when I express my opinion that such a book as ROBINSON CRUSOE never was written, and never will be written again. I have tried that book for years—generally in combination with a pipe of tobacco—and I have found it my friend in need in all the necessities of this mortal life. When my spirits are bad—ROBINSON CRUSOE. When I want advice—ROBINSON CRUSOE. In past times when my wife plagued me; in present times when I have had a drop too much—ROBINSON CRUSOE. I have worn out six stout ROBINSON CRUSOES with hard work in my service. On my lady's last birthday she gave me a seventh. I took a drop too much on the strength of it; and ROBINSON CRUSOE put me right again. Price four shillings and sixpence, bound in blue, with a picture into the bargain.
"
— Wilkie Collins
As soon as I heard his breathing, I jumped out of bed and got completely dressed to take him to the ER. But he, being the adamant, balky, bullheaded, cantankerous, contumacious, determined, dogged, hardheaded, headstrong, inexorable, inflexible, intractable, mulish, obdurate, ornery, persevering, persistent, pertinacious, pigheaded, recalcitrant, refractory, relentlessly rigid, self-willed, set in his ways, single-minded, steadfast, tenacious, unbending, unshakable, untoward cowboy that he IS, refused to go to any ER.
He is now describing his condition as merely "weak and breathless." See? He won't even help me make this post more theatrical and interesting! Weak and breathless? Welllllllll, I guess I should focus on being thankful that he didn't do either of (a) or (b) in paragraph number one, above. And has slowed down a lot on the coughing, and isn't having trouble getting air in.
He's still white as a goose, though. (Goose?)
And to try to manage my never-ending anxiety, which hums like low-level radiation inside my soul 24 hours a day, I've downloaded Robinson Crusoe onto my Kindle. I'd never read it, but in examining a book of Bill's by Wilkie Collins (Moonstone), I saw that Wilkie Collins thought Robinson Crusoe was the greatest book of all time and had read it dozens of times, for its wisdom.
What? Robinson CRUSOE?*(See Wilkie Collins quote at end of post, at asterisk)
So I'm reading Robinson Crusoe, for the FIRST time (THANKS, public education system), and indeed am severely struck with the thrilling and thought-inducing content of it--none of which I would have understood if I'd read it in third grade like I should have.
How was THAT for a digression? More about our cowboy as things develop. Love to all!
* "You are not to take it, if you please, as the saying of an ignorant man, when I express my opinion that such a book as ROBINSON CRUSOE never was written, and never will be written again. I have tried that book for years—generally in combination with a pipe of tobacco—and I have found it my friend in need in all the necessities of this mortal life. When my spirits are bad—ROBINSON CRUSOE. When I want advice—ROBINSON CRUSOE. In past times when my wife plagued me; in present times when I have had a drop too much—ROBINSON CRUSOE. I have worn out six stout ROBINSON CRUSOES with hard work in my service. On my lady's last birthday she gave me a seventh. I took a drop too much on the strength of it; and ROBINSON CRUSOE put me right again. Price four shillings and sixpence, bound in blue, with a picture into the bargain.
"
— Wilkie Collins
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Saturday Afternoon: Better!
Dear Kenny,
Regarding my previous post: sorry I scared you. Bill feels better. No hospital. So far. Yay.
Love,
Bethie
Regarding my previous post: sorry I scared you. Bill feels better. No hospital. So far. Yay.
Love,
Bethie
Saturday: Not Well
Our heroic cowboy is in bed, and is strangely ill. He doesn't want me to scare anyone (especially you, Kenny, he said), so I'm going to honor his request and NOT write the following: he said he may ask me to drive him to the hospital if he doesn't feel better soon. Ooops! How did THAT get into this post? (BAD caregiver! Delete that right now!)
He is unbelievably white, extremely nauseous, dizzy, and can't even sit up.
I promise to post more as soon as he feels better.
He has taken a lot of medications just now, at my urging, meds he is told to take when he gets really bad. So I'm believing that in about an hour, he's going to say he feels much better. He was able to drink an Ensure. That helped a little, too.
I'll probably delete this message later on, because of the sneakiness involved in my having written it, possibly scaring Kenny, which is against Bill's will. But I know you all care for him and will pray if you see this. Thus, I cheat....but for such a good reason! (Sorry, Kenny!)
He is unbelievably white, extremely nauseous, dizzy, and can't even sit up.
I promise to post more as soon as he feels better.
He has taken a lot of medications just now, at my urging, meds he is told to take when he gets really bad. So I'm believing that in about an hour, he's going to say he feels much better. He was able to drink an Ensure. That helped a little, too.
I'll probably delete this message later on, because of the sneakiness involved in my having written it, possibly scaring Kenny, which is against Bill's will. But I know you all care for him and will pray if you see this. Thus, I cheat....but for such a good reason! (Sorry, Kenny!)
Friday, April 8, 2011
Friday: He Feels Better!
He got his M&V chemo on Thursday, and a few extra drip bags of stuff to help him feel better, and as of today, he says he feels "weak but otherwise okay. Fatigue and breathlessness," he said, when I just asked him what I should write.
They were concerned with how white he was, but couldn't find the source of it. When he goes up stairs, he can only do a few at a time, without resting and catching his breath.
He said today he plans to watch the Masters and grade papers. This afternoon, he gets a Neulasta shot to help his bones create white cells.
As a sideline, we're getting PRITTTTY PRITTY PRITTY BLOOMIN' SICK OF LIVING IN THE BASEMENT, with no stove, and just a 12" by 12" refrigerator, but heaven knows there are worse things that could be going on...
Thank you for your love and prayers. Always and always.....
They were concerned with how white he was, but couldn't find the source of it. When he goes up stairs, he can only do a few at a time, without resting and catching his breath.
He said today he plans to watch the Masters and grade papers. This afternoon, he gets a Neulasta shot to help his bones create white cells.
As a sideline, we're getting PRITTTTY PRITTY PRITTY BLOOMIN' SICK OF LIVING IN THE BASEMENT, with no stove, and just a 12" by 12" refrigerator, but heaven knows there are worse things that could be going on...
Thank you for your love and prayers. Always and always.....
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
He's Teaching Today!
He felt good enough to go teach today. It's a miracle. Thank you for your part in it. We are so relieved and thankful on days like these...
Next treatment is tomorrow (Thursday), so in addition to the M&V chemo, maybe they can give him some extra stuff to help with some problems he still has (like his throat burning like fire 24 hours a day, and stuff.)
Love, love, love.
Next treatment is tomorrow (Thursday), so in addition to the M&V chemo, maybe they can give him some extra stuff to help with some problems he still has (like his throat burning like fire 24 hours a day, and stuff.)
Love, love, love.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Tuesday: Great News! He's MUCH Better!
Thank you for all the love and prayers that so many of you bombarded us with yesterday! Post hoc ergo propter hoc? I ain't a-rulin' out nuthin!
The cowboy is SO much better today that it's almost unbelievable!
I'll post again soon...at least by tomorrow...and later today if things change, but for now, whew! Hugest gratitude!!!
The cowboy is SO much better today that it's almost unbelievable!
I'll post again soon...at least by tomorrow...and later today if things change, but for now, whew! Hugest gratitude!!!
Monday, April 4, 2011
He Had to Cancel His Classes Today
A friend wrote, on her blog recently, that she always orders her Starbucks coffee at 110 degrees. Starbucks will comply with that kind of order. My friend says she feels like she's acting like "a diva" when she does it, but that she really can't tolerate things at extremes.
I am now using her story as a way to think of my blogging about Bill: I try to keep the reports always at 110 degrees so it doesn't burn you when you sip it.
Today, though, it's hard to keep it at 110.
Blow on this post a few times before you sip it.
Bill is REALLY REALLY sick today. The worst ever, after chemo, easily. Canceled classes and had to have a throw up bag with him, even for the time it took to mass email his students.
I reminded him that he can go to the chemo clinic for treatment when he is severely ill, but he said he is too sick to even walk to the car.
Yeah, it's more than 110 degrees today. You don't want the details.
Love,
Us
I am now using her story as a way to think of my blogging about Bill: I try to keep the reports always at 110 degrees so it doesn't burn you when you sip it.
Today, though, it's hard to keep it at 110.
Blow on this post a few times before you sip it.
Bill is REALLY REALLY sick today. The worst ever, after chemo, easily. Canceled classes and had to have a throw up bag with him, even for the time it took to mass email his students.
I reminded him that he can go to the chemo clinic for treatment when he is severely ill, but he said he is too sick to even walk to the car.
Yeah, it's more than 110 degrees today. You don't want the details.
Love,
Us
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Hurtin' Cowpoke
Poor Cowboy Billy. He is feeling SO terrible today that he can hardly believe it. If I tried to even list the number of things wrong with him right now, you'd still be reading it when the world ends on Dec. 12, 2012, according to the Mayan calendar.
Too bad the Mayan calendar didn't tell the Mayans the date their civilization would end.
Ooops.
Talk to you later. Thanks for stopping by. We love you.
Too bad the Mayan calendar didn't tell the Mayans the date their civilization would end.
Ooops.
Talk to you later. Thanks for stopping by. We love you.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Saturday
Yesterday, Friday, our Courageous Cowboy got his HUGE bag full of cisplatin, kicking off round four of chemo on the same day that kicked off Opening Day for the Phillies, his beloved baseball team.
Actually, yesterday also marked the one-year anniversary of his "April Fool's" return home from Duke last year, during which he was able to relax in his own bed after 3 weeks at Duke. That nice rest lasted about 7 minutes before the medical rescue team was called by a nurse, after which six EMTs appeared in our home and hauled him out on a stretcher, and back to Duke for another week.
In a remarkable but unfortunate synchronicity, a medical rescue team answered a 911 call right in front of where we were sitting in chemo yesterday. A woman getting chemo had a heart attack, and the medics ran in, along with police, a doctor, and all the nurses, and rushed her out of chemo and over to the ER in the hospital. That poor woman. And she had no one sitting with her to comfort her. Prayers.
Anyway, we are hoping that perhaps in 2012, we will have an April 1st that does not involve life-saving maneuvers and calls to 911.
So about Bill...because Bill has had so many physical problems this past month, they did a lot more pre-medicating yesterday. Three hours of it, before they even got to the cisplatin. They gave him an anti-nausea medicine that will last five days (previously, he had taken it in pill form, and we had to pay (can't remember) either $60 or $90 PER PILL, and insurance wouldn't cover it.) But insurance does cover the drip form. Whew!
So because of all the helping medications he got, he feels normal right now. The downward spiral would normally begin on Sunday.
Sitting in a chemo clinic and listening to people tell their stories is like getting a doctoral degree in human suffering. Every time we're there, we hear people explain the toughest situations. Almost always, they tell their stories matter-of-factly, not in a self-pitying tone.
Yesterday, I heard a 35-year old man (who looks exactly like Michael C. Hall, the actor who plays Dexter and is on Six Feet Under) explaining that he had tonsil cancer. Yikes! And the radiation took away his ability to eat, so he has to feed himself with a squeeze tube into his stomach. He was asking a nurse to tell him in detail about a beef stew dinner she had cooked, as stew was his favorite food, and he missed it so much. He was also talking about all the things he likes to do when he's not sick, especially boating.
At the end of the day, he was telling his wife that there wasn't enough money in their account to pay for a whole dose of the medicine he needed, so she should use the credit card and buy just half.
What in the world do you do when you hear that? I wanted to walk over and say, No, you will buy ALL the medicine you need, and here is my credit card. But people have dignity, especially these Scots-Irish people in these mountains, and you can't just walk over and do that.
But in a world where a thing like that can happen, a young man can't buy the medicine he needs, something isn't right. At all.
The day ended on a more amusing, but equally strange, note when the man next to us started explaining to me how to kill yard moles by burying chewing gum with the foil on it. The moles eat the gum and die from the foil.
Ummmmmm, not sure I wanted to know that.
He finished his chat by telling me that if you break up pieces of alka seltzer and put them around your floorboards, mice will eat them and explode. He was then getting some distance into a description of how he had seen some guy feed alka seltzers to birds and the birds also exploded. "Them birds got bigger n bigger n then busted all to pieces an felled ratt down on the groun'."
Fortunately for the sake of what little was left of my mental health at that point, his wife stopped him right there, and told him to stop telling those stories.
And for whatever is left of YOUR mental health, I will now stop telling you about April 1st in the Chemo Palace.
At least it wasn't boring.
Love to all and thank you for caring.
Diamond Lil and Cowboy Billybob
Actually, yesterday also marked the one-year anniversary of his "April Fool's" return home from Duke last year, during which he was able to relax in his own bed after 3 weeks at Duke. That nice rest lasted about 7 minutes before the medical rescue team was called by a nurse, after which six EMTs appeared in our home and hauled him out on a stretcher, and back to Duke for another week.
In a remarkable but unfortunate synchronicity, a medical rescue team answered a 911 call right in front of where we were sitting in chemo yesterday. A woman getting chemo had a heart attack, and the medics ran in, along with police, a doctor, and all the nurses, and rushed her out of chemo and over to the ER in the hospital. That poor woman. And she had no one sitting with her to comfort her. Prayers.
Anyway, we are hoping that perhaps in 2012, we will have an April 1st that does not involve life-saving maneuvers and calls to 911.
So about Bill...because Bill has had so many physical problems this past month, they did a lot more pre-medicating yesterday. Three hours of it, before they even got to the cisplatin. They gave him an anti-nausea medicine that will last five days (previously, he had taken it in pill form, and we had to pay (can't remember) either $60 or $90 PER PILL, and insurance wouldn't cover it.) But insurance does cover the drip form. Whew!
So because of all the helping medications he got, he feels normal right now. The downward spiral would normally begin on Sunday.
Sitting in a chemo clinic and listening to people tell their stories is like getting a doctoral degree in human suffering. Every time we're there, we hear people explain the toughest situations. Almost always, they tell their stories matter-of-factly, not in a self-pitying tone.
Yesterday, I heard a 35-year old man (who looks exactly like Michael C. Hall, the actor who plays Dexter and is on Six Feet Under) explaining that he had tonsil cancer. Yikes! And the radiation took away his ability to eat, so he has to feed himself with a squeeze tube into his stomach. He was asking a nurse to tell him in detail about a beef stew dinner she had cooked, as stew was his favorite food, and he missed it so much. He was also talking about all the things he likes to do when he's not sick, especially boating.
At the end of the day, he was telling his wife that there wasn't enough money in their account to pay for a whole dose of the medicine he needed, so she should use the credit card and buy just half.
What in the world do you do when you hear that? I wanted to walk over and say, No, you will buy ALL the medicine you need, and here is my credit card. But people have dignity, especially these Scots-Irish people in these mountains, and you can't just walk over and do that.
But in a world where a thing like that can happen, a young man can't buy the medicine he needs, something isn't right. At all.
The day ended on a more amusing, but equally strange, note when the man next to us started explaining to me how to kill yard moles by burying chewing gum with the foil on it. The moles eat the gum and die from the foil.
Ummmmmm, not sure I wanted to know that.
He finished his chat by telling me that if you break up pieces of alka seltzer and put them around your floorboards, mice will eat them and explode. He was then getting some distance into a description of how he had seen some guy feed alka seltzers to birds and the birds also exploded. "Them birds got bigger n bigger n then busted all to pieces an felled ratt down on the groun'."
Fortunately for the sake of what little was left of my mental health at that point, his wife stopped him right there, and told him to stop telling those stories.
And for whatever is left of YOUR mental health, I will now stop telling you about April 1st in the Chemo Palace.
At least it wasn't boring.
Love to all and thank you for caring.
Diamond Lil and Cowboy Billybob
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