Toxic Kidney Man

Our favorite cowboy has toxic kidneys now.

Nephrotoxicity.

Well, technically, I guess his kidneys can't be said to be toxic, themSELVES, or that would make them poisonous. But I thought if I said his kidneys are intoxicated, you might think he drank too much alcohol.

Hmmmm. In a way, that could be true, only it wasn't alcohol and he didn't drink it--it was cisplatin and it came in through his elbow artery. (Beatle song: It CAME in through his elbow artery...)

Wow. I need to be more awake when I write these things.

Anyway, yesterday, he went to get a simple dose of Gemzar, the humble chemo that takes a half hour to drip and causes no problems.

Hold it. Back up. This week held thrills even BEFORE he went in for the Gemzar.

If you remember, the last time he got Cisplatin--Drug From the Ninth Circle of Hell--it wiped his white cells down to a nice simple "ONE".

So this time, they started giving him Neupogen shots in the arm every day after he got the Cisplatin.

Neupogen can be considered a friend. But it is a friend that you hope you never ever meet. Neupogen does to your bone marrow what a strawberry pop tart does to a toaster if you hold it down, which is to set everything on fire and then explode.

So this week, Tuesday night, Bill's bone marrow caught on fire and exploded. Metaphorically. He woke up in childbirth. Metaphorically. And as most people know, childbirth is an experience that would very closely match the definition of an exorcism.

It was like that.

He was literally yelling with pain. His pelvic bones felt, he said, like molotov cocktails gone wild, and the pain was radiating around and around his abdomen.

That first yelp will do a number on a spouse who is sound asleep beside you.

I now officially have post traumatic stress disorder.

But that's another day's topic. ;)

So we got him through that by 5 am, using only tylenol.

And today (Friday), he gets ANOTHER one of those shots.

Luckily, I recently purchased some ear protection that is suitable for a firing range. So I should be okay. Our dogs, however, may end up walking around with incurable shakes and x's where their eyes are supposed to be.

Beth. Bring it back. You've drifted too far from the shore, girl.

Okay. Ahem. Back to yesterday's Gemzar drama.

So yesterday, he gets his routine little blood test before the Gemzar. The results comes back like this: UH OH.

His kidneys have taken a major hit. His blood sugar is in the pre-diabetic range, his white cells are so numerous that they are plotting to overthrow New York City, and his red cells have run for cover, rendering him horribly anemic, so he can't get enough oxygen in through his lungs.

He said he will never again utter the phrase, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Because the way chemo works is, what can make you stronger can also kill you.

SO.

Yesterday involved SEVEN HOURS in the chair getting salt water pumped in and in and in and into his body to try to repair his kidney damage.

I asked the nurse for a printout of his blood test results so i could Google them. Turns out his kidneys aren't processing the urine OR the protein, so it's a double whammy (completely whacked BUN and Creatinine scores for those of you who know this stuff).

You can see how it is for US, now, in perceiving his illness. The cancer seems like a mere distant thought. The chemotherapy becomes the disease.

As for me, I'm just happily stressed out, whacked out, stunned, sad, scared, and wandering around this whole bizarre situation like Odysseus on the wine-dark sea, missing the days of Troy and hoping I bump into Ithaca sometime soon.

Thank you for your prayers, thoughts, and light.

Bethica