Belly Aches and Tom Robbins

Things were going pretty well until this past week when Wild Willybob Drennan came down with a bellyache.

That's what he calls it.

Which drives me crazy.

Because neither of the words belly nor ache are anywhere near specific enough to allow me to google-search a cure for him!

And when I start to "question him down," he gets mad purty dang quick.

Me: Okay, what do you mean by "belly"? Point to where you mean. Is it above or below your bellybutton, closer to your belly button or your ribs? Is it more in the center or the left or right, and when you say "ache" do you mean sharp or dull and if you say "sharp" do you mean like little pirhanas biting you or more like one piece of broken glass would feel if you might have swallowed it, or is it more like a burning cement block lowered slowly onto your stomach and by "stomach" would you mean literally your stomach as an organ, or would you mean your abdominal area in general and if...."

Wild Billy: BETH! STOP! YOU HAVE TO STOP!

So being married as long as we have (21 years) and having developed certain skills with which to cope with the other's preferences, we rigged up a solution.

I can ask him ONE TIME per day how he feels, and for his answer, he has to use descriptive terms for no less than one minute.

That's our deal.

Okay, so you ARE on my side on this one, aren't you? You, too, want to know what I've gotten out of him so far, and "belly ache" would NOT do it for you, am I right? Wayyyyy too vague, right?

So here it is: It hurts enough to wake him up at night and goes on for some hours. It never really goes away. It hurts more after he eats. It feels like this:(and you can guess which one of us came up with this little description on the multiple-choice questionnaire I administered verbally this morning) It feels like he swallowed a bowl full of little pieces of broken glass and like they are rolling around in there halfway between his belly button and his ribs, in the very middle.

See? Now I DID get the kind of detail I wanted.

But I'm getting NO google results with the search: "feels like ate bowl of broken glass".

What!? People don't eat bowls full of broken glass and publish the results on the internet?

As for Tom Robbins...(who, speaking of cowpokes, did write the novel-turned-movie "Even Cowgirls Get the Blues" starring Uma Thurman and Keanu Reaves)...

TURNS OUT HE IS MY COUSIN!

He was even born right here in Blowing Rock and lived here a while.

Here endeth this blog post.

And if you are waiting for me to somehow make a connection between Tom Robbins and Bill's bellyache, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I don't think it's possible.

Except that When Cowboys Eat Broken Glass, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues.

(How was that?)

Love to you. Thanks for checking on us.

D. Lil