Monday: Hmmmm.

1. If you are getting a feeling of depression or disturbance from reading this blog, and would like your name taken off the circulation list, don't think you'd be hurting my feelings or Bill's!  See, I recently read an email from a beloved friend, saying her husband's cancer was back and surgery was needed, and I burst into tears and was upset for two days, and still am upset, when I think about it. Only then did I realize the price you might be paying for reading this blog about Bill. Perhaps I should also consider not telling you everything, because it could be really messing with your head. Sorry that I was insensitive to that, before. I have these blind spots (Cliff, I'm still sorry about the booger joke.)

2. Bill felt a little better this morning, but tonight his fever is at an all-time high, still below hospital level, but VERY close. This led to some discussions at midday about graves and funerals that left us BOTH bedridden for the WHOLE rest of the day-- him with his illness, me with depression. He also is battling depression now, and considering getting a scrip for anti-depressants. I already tried that, and was still depressed, and they DOUBLED my dose, and I'm still depressed. But it's a natural kind of depression, very much "part of life" kind of thing, even organic to life, I think. So it's not that bad.

3. Next event: Thursday, he meets the local oncologist, and will get his blood tested. I think he has neutropenia, which is insufficient white blood cells. There's a treatment for that, but it requires pain medicine for about 3 days, at a level of pain-killing that we do not have in the house. He'll need a special Rx for that super-intensive pain med, if he gets that shot. Then he has to decide whether to take the 3rd dose of chemo that day, and 9 more weekly shots after that. At this rate, he's thinking he might stop chemo, at least for a while.

So really, nothing new. But I promised a Monday update. Sorry I broke my new Brevity Rule! Next time, maybe I can do it in 3 sentences again.

Love and gratitude,
B&B