Friday CT Results: Bad and Good

We just walked in from what I felt was the most harrowing experience so far: I mean, waiting for these particular results--which would tell us: Did the most powerful chemo available have any effect on Bill's cancer? Waiting for the answer to that question was....well....I thought worse than waiting for any of the other times we've waited for results, because this answer was more of a life and death situation.

But Bill thought it was the third worst. Waiting to see if he had bladder cancer in the beginning, he thought was worse. And finding out from Dr. Torti at Wake Forest Baptist Hospital that he had three liver tumors was worse.

Anyway...they made us wait 45 minutes to see the oncologist, which was like saying, "The jury has your verdict on your death penalty case, but they're going to lunch before they read it to you. Just sit there and wait."

Oh, it was so horrible, that feeling.

So FINALLY, in comes the oncologist, and shuts the door behind her, then shakes my hand, then shakes Bill's hand. Note: When cancer doctors who are about to give you Big News shake your hand or touch your knee or get up close to you and start acting all personal, you should run away. REALLY fast. THIS is their way...

"Well," she says, "I wish I had better news."

If you aren't running at THIS point, there's still time to get out the door and down the hall before she keeps talking.

"There are now THREE lesions on your liver, where before there were two, on the January scan. However," she continues (put on your math hat for this next comment which comment will show you why you should have these things done at places where you are certain that the Beverly Hillbillies are not running the radiology department.)....(continuing) "However," she says......"ONE of the lesions has stayed the same size as January, ONE has shrunk a tiny bit since January, and ONE has grown since January."

Math Police 911. State your problem: Yes, math police. I'm wondering, how could THREE lesions found yesterday be compared to only TWO lesions found in January?

Well, it's mystery theater to us, how two can equal three.

But that was the radiology department's hallucination. Not the oncologist's. She was simply reading their report. And she KNEW I wanted a printout of this scan report, so she gave it to me without my having to ask. And I am studying it. I will write some more later. Although I will never figure out how they compared three lesions to the two lesions in January.

But, it is obviously not good that he has three "low attenuating" lesions on his liver. Those can be cancer.

I tried to force her into telling us if she even THOUGHT they were cancer, but the brick wall of Lawsuit Silence was in place and she REFUSED to answer any question along those lines.

I did get her to admit that benign cysts are ruled out, as they never change size, or pop up in groups, in this fashion. So if cysts are ruled out, it's more likely cancer, but WE DON'T KNOW! And BILL READS THIS BLOG SO I DON'T WANT TO SCARE HIM.

Finally, Bill said, "About my next chemo dates, could I change them, because I have conflicts at the University."

She said, "Hold on there. In a worst case scenario, you won't be having any more chemo. We will be looking only at clinical trials for you."

"Clinical trials" is a euphemism for ordering a variety of enjoyable desserts after dinner on the Titanic. Bill knew that.

At that point, at risk of ticking her off, and I could see she was already unthrilled with my questions, and with my admission that i had stuck the CD of the CT in my laptop and tried to read the photos (she didn't like that AT ALL)(NOR did she think it was funny.)(I thought it was funny.) I then said, "If he doesn't do clinical trials, are we looking at palliative care?"

"Palliative care" is the euphemism for Hospice and means giving up and going only on pain control.

"I did NOT say anything about palliative care!" she said, in a tone that was firm but was still well within the lines of civility for an oncologist with An Attitude, which she IS allowed to have. In fact, I think it was in some ways good that she used that tone, because I was now in a gray area, in my questioning, in which gray area I knew Bill's comfort level was shrinking. So while trying to remember that it's happening to me, too, I went with, "It's happening a heck of a lot more to BILL than to me," so I dropped my questions.

In fact, at that point, I literally put my hand over my mouth and kept it there for the rest of the meeting, because otherwise, I couldn't stop asking questions.

So next Thursday, April 28th, we take 2 CDs and the radiology reports to Dr. Torti. Our Boone oncologist expects he will order a PET scan or MRI, to see if the lesions are cancer. If they are, no more chemo, and if they AREN'T, then he would probably finish his last 2 rounds of chemo and not have to go back till July for another scan (scan in Winston Salem, since he'd be done with chemo).

I will post again, after I have compared this radiology report to the January one in terms of the exact segments of the liver in which these lesions have been found. Then I will know more about if everyone is on LSD in the radiology dept or what exactly is going on with the two/three lesions mixup.

THANK YOU FOR CARING AND FOLLOWING THE PLOT.

Have a blessed Good Friday, a Holy Saturday, and a really GREAT Easter or Pascha, whichever branch of the church you're celebrating in (we have one of everything reading this blog, believe me.)

Love to all.