No News Ain't Always Good News

If you want the story point-blank, here it is.

And it probably won't have much humor in it today. The blues are upon us both.

But I will say that God was brilliant when he thought of throwing dreams into the mix for sleeping time. What a nice break from reality! Last night, while I was dreaming, I was suddenly able to rub gravel between my hands, and it would turn into glowing multi-colored stars and float up into the sky. But then a certain famous magician in our neighborhood came by to watch me do this, and it wouldn't work any more. I think I was inhibited. hahaha :)

But THEN, in the same dream, my next-door neighbor Jill called and said, "Don't forget the party that's starting in one minute! You're bringing the duck!" A PARTY? IN ONE MINUTE? DUCK? hahahah So (this is still in my dream) I looked in my oven, and there was this beautiful roasted duck--didn't know I could cook a duck!--and I carried it over to their house, and there was a big party, and all we all did was laugh, which is what happens at their house in REAL life, too. So darling neighbors, thank you for eight wonderful hours of partying, and ducks, and magic gravel last night!

In real life, another neighbor is being particularly angelic in a variety of ways. You know who you are!

And every neighbor has said, "Anything you need!"

We are simply dumbfounded by the outpouring of love and care!

I'm telling you, for going through suffering, THIS is the neighborhood to be in!

Anyway, in more sobering news, Bill's status is actually deteriorating. Not even not-improving, but actually getting worse. He is losing weight at an astonishing rate--three pounds Thursday, four pounds Friday. Almost 40 pounds since mid-March. He has had a fever between 99 and 100 since he got home. He can't eat, less than 500 calories a day is all he can manage, he can't catch his breath when he walks, his heart is pounding, he is so white and yellow, and his oxygenation is low.

Thank heaven we have home nursing services. They are having him treated Monday, and getting him on some kind of more aggressive care.

I personally think (like I know--but I feel free to pontificate nonetheless) that he needs (1) a transfusion for extreme anemia; (2) an IV for nutrition; (3) maybe some oxygen until he gets his body back together.

He said he would rather literally die than go back to Duke. Both of our experiences there were really pretty terrible. We can't recommend it.

But if he can get a referral back to the Seby Jones Cancer Center in Boone, we both LOVED that place, and they do everything there, and we can switch his care to Boone for a while, and that marvelous, marvelous place (Seby Jones). (Bill's surgeon is on vacation, so we can't reach him at all, so we have to get a local doctor to give him a referral).

Anyway, Bill is very sad right now, and exhausted, and is struggling to keep up his hopes. My energy is back, but the care requirements are kind of around the clock, so it's not a picnic in Central Park or anything. But I'm not in that shock I was in until yesterday.

Still, I'm not yet able to keep up well with email replies and phone and such, but I say that with anxiety: anxiety that anyone would think we didn't profoundly appreciate the love that everyone is pouring toward us, and the prayer, and the thoughts! Ohhhhhhhhh, it's all that's keeping us going! PLEASE KNOW THAT!

And THANK YOU for continuing to care for the Cowpoke, even though we are being kind of invisible right now, and even though you might not FEEL as appreciated as you deeply deeply ARE.

WE LOVE YOU!

God is light.